Janae B. Weinhold & Barry K. Weinhold
Victim consciousness is so pervasive that it is virtually impossible to grow up without being exposed to and impacted by it. While we all learned it in our families, we believe the cause of victim behaviors is the important emotional and psychological tasks that were not completed in our psychological development between two to three years of age.
The first piece of unfinished psychological business is becoming emotionally separate from your parents so that you can operate on internal, self-directed power. The second is moving from black-and-white or duality thinking and into both-and or unity thinking. If your parents had not completed these two things, it is likely that they did not know how to support you in finishing them.
When you are not able to operate on internal power and still think in dualities, the Karpman or Drama Triangle appears. It not only obstructs psychological development but also anchors victim consciousness in family members. The Karpman Triangle involves family members rotating between Persecutor, Rescuer and Victim roles and happens when people split their life experiences into opposites of good/bad, all/nothing and always/never. The two-against-one Drama Triangle game prevents the Persecutor and the Rescuer from communicating directly. You can see in the Drama Triangle diagram below that there is no direct communication link between the Persecutor and the Rescuer.
The Drama Triangle contains an underlying premise that there is not enough of "something" -love, money, toys, and parents-to go around. If you asked for this something that is in short supply family member would consider you "selfish" and therefore it was taboo to ask. The only legitimate way to get the something is through the Victim role. This rule makes the Victim role the most coveted of the three. Those who fear looking needy or helpless often get their own needs met vicariously by playing out the Rescuer role. This not only helps soothe their feelings of neediness, it also offers an opportunity for them to look good.
Both Victim and Rescuer roles are associated with being "good" and the Persecutor role with being "bad." While these roles typically rotate in intimate relationships, the ultimate goal is to be the Victim. Another rule is that the Rescuer usually gives the Victim what he or she personally needs rather than what the Victim actually needs. The result is that the Victim is unhappy with the Rescue. This gives the Victim permission to attack the Rescuer, which then shifts them into the Persecutor role. At this point, the Rescuer shifts into the Victim role. Most people discover quickly that a quick path to the Victim role is through Rescuer role.
We believe that the dynamics of the Drama Triangle represent dysfunctional attempts to become emotionally separate from your parents that should have happened between two to three years of age. Without the proper support of two conscious, evolved parents, hardly any one completes this on schedule. The lack of emotional separateness keeps you locked in polarized thinking and victim consciousness.
The resolution to Drama Triangle dynamics is quite simple. First, there must be a commitment to stop getting your needs through the Victim role and ask directly for what you want and need. Second, you must connect the missing communication link between the Persecutor and the Rescuer on the triangle as shown below. When you learn how to do these two things, you will find yourself shifting out of victim consciousness.
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